Ok, so I'm not really going to debate which is better because, I feel the Lord calls us to different things at different times in our lives and I don't feel that any one is really better than the other given your circumstances. That being said, this is a struggle for me because I have worked full time since I graduated from college and had worked at least part time prior to that.
Since all of this started back in May, I have heard more than once that it is not my job as a wife to provide for my family. While I understand the Biblical concept, it's honestly hard for me to accept. There is a verse that my wonderful, godly husband takes to heart and it is: If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). As a wife, this makes me swell with pride that I have a husband who takes his role as provider seriously and seeks to honor the Lord as he leads our family, but what is my responsibility?
My struggle comes in when I see the balance in the check book and our savings account and feel like I should be working to help my husband bring in income and help provide for our family. I'll be honest in that the Lord has provided for all of our needs since we prayed and came to the decision that I was coming home at least for the time being, but I feel like I should be doing more. Yes, this is probably more of an issue of fear than anything else, but I worry about our bills and making sure that our needs are provided for. ALL of our bills have been paid and we are not in danger of losing anything at this point and for that I am thankful. I also hate to see the look on my husband's face when he is balancing the checkbook.
All of this to say, I still struggle with whether or not I need to seek out at least some sort of part time job and even with that would it be complete disobedience for me, in this moment to seek out work? There is a ministry desire that has been growing inside of me for several years and I honestly pray the Lord will open doors and allow me to start speaking at least once a month and bring in some income through those speaking engagements. I am also hoping to teach a short term ladies' Bible study through our church later on in the fall and know that even if that is the door the Lord opens, that I am still walking in obedience.
Walking in obedience even when there is fear is difficult. I desire to live a life without fear and in complete and total obedience to the Lord. If you know me well, then you know that I thrive when I know there is security. Right now, my husband and I are walking in complete and total faith and reliance on the Lord. Yes, this is what we should always do, but I kind of like to "take control" when I can because I fear the unknown.. The next several months or even upcoming year will be a test of my faith and a time of growth for me. I can only hope and pray that at the end of this chapter I can look back and know the Lord was pleased with how I handled each situation presented and that I responded in faith instead of out of fear.
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