Fear

Fear, the thing that keeps most of us from doing the thing that we truly love. Why do we fear? What causes us to truly be afraid? Are we afraid of the unknown? Are we afraid of risks? Are we afraid of failure? Are we afraid of what others think? These are the many questions popping up in my head right now, but I am learning that I am not alone in this. There are several friends who also have their own leaps of faith that need to be taken.

Joshua 10:25 NIV

Joshua said to them, "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the LORD will do to all the enemies you are going to fight."

1 Chronicles 28:20 NIV

David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.

John 14:27 NIV

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Luke 8:25 NIV

"Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."

2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

In looking through the Bible (using www.crosswalk.com) and looking up verses that contain the words fear or afraid, I was amazed at the number of verses talking about fear. Some talk about fear of others, some being afraid of something and many talking about the fear of the Lord. What I also found amazing, was that we are told over and over again to not be afraid and yet, it's a battle that I fight frequently. My fear is not crippling in the sense that I can't leave my home or interact w/ others, but it does often keep me from doing things the Lord has called me to do. This is a trait about myself that I honestly want to change. Sharing my dream out loud on FB and in a blog post caused a great deal of anxiety. Why? Because I am afraid of what people think? Yes. Because, I have no clue what this will all look like? Yes. Because I am afraid of failing? Yes. Fear keeps me from being who I should be in the Lord and prevents me from doing certain things b/c I am often to afraid to do them.

This past year has been interesting for me in my walk w/ the Lord. He has had me on a quest for authenticity as well as not being so fearful. Too many times we walk into church and put on what I like to call our "happy camper" faces. Things at home and work could be a total mess, but if asked our response is "I am so blessed." While we may truly be blessed there are days when we need to be able to share what is on our hearts and b/c of the fear of the reactions of others, we often keep things to ourselves. I do think that authenticity and fear go hand in hand. We are too afraid to be open and honest about what is on our hearts that people only see a portion of who we really are. We are too afraid to ask for people to pray for that things that hold us back from being all the Lord has called us to be and therefore sometimes struggle to move forward in life.

I'll be honest, I am so not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I never thought that in my mid 30's that I would be essentially starting over where work was concerned. In talking w/ a friend today, I told her that I am completely terrified of what the future holds and yet, at the very same time, I feel like I actually have some control and power over what will happen, if that makes any sense at all. I have not been completely happy on the work front for a couple of years, not that I have not made many wonderful friends along the way, but I have felt like there is more that I could be doing. I still have not heard back from the one company about a second round interview. Yes, I still think if they called me back for a second interview and then offered me the position, I would struggle w/ the answer. It would be easy to say yes and keep doing what I have been doing for the past six and a half years, but I would also struggle w/ knowing that my dreams are once again being put on hold. So, do I go forward w/ what is easy if the opportunity is presented or do I take the giant leap of faith, that makes me totally 100% dependent on the Lord? Easy or hard? The strong Christian responds in faith and the weaker one, may respond w/ safe and dependable.

I can't find anywhere in Scripture where the Lord has called someone to do something and then left them to do everything on their own. Many times it doesn't look like they thought it would, but the Lord was there every step of the way. I find it funny, although I really shouldn't, that all of my devotional reading, scripture passages and even several sermons have been on taking leaps of faith and dealing w/ the Lord's call on my life. I know that He has a call on my life and now I am praying that I can move forward in faith and put fear behind me.

If you are in a similar position, I encourage you to dig into the Scripture and research passages on fear and see how the Lord speaks to you. Also, I would like you to feel free to send me messages via email, text or facebook and let me know how I can pray for you. The Lord didn't create us to walk through this world on our own. We are built for relationships and I think if we would truly be willing to walk w/ each other through the good and the bad, we would see a change in the church and I am pretty sure that relationships would be created and built that astonished even us.

All of this to say, and yes, it's a little scattered, that I pray that you and I would pray and work to overcome our battles w/ fear and watch the Lord does in and through us.

My dream a reflection of my heart

First of all I would like to start off by saying a big THANK YOU to those of you who have prayed for me, sent me messages of support and thankful for a wonderful conversation w/ an old friend last night.

Many of you have asked what it is that I would like to do, so I am going to share my heart. I have no idea how any of this will look or how the Lord will lead in all of this, but I am open and ready to take a leap of faith.

It will be three years ago this fall since the thoughts and dreams entered my heart and it all started w/ Facebook. The fall of 2010 appeared to be a pretty rough time for the marriages of many friends on FB. I saw where husbands decided that they no longer desired to be husbands and fathers and women were bad mouthing and belittling their husbands. I have also watched parents bad mouth their children. It is a trend that has continued and one that makes my stomach lurch and heart ache every time I see those types of status updates. Don't get me wrong, none of us are perfect, our spouses and children are not perfect and I think venting and reaching out for advice on FB can be a positive, but there is a fine line between venting and putting down someone that we love. As I watched all of this unfold online a desire to work w/ wives and mother's to work on conflict resolution w/ in the home and work on improving marriages and families built up inside of me.

We now live in a world of Pinterest and we see pictures of "perfect" meals and "perfect" homes along w/ a wide assortment of arts, crafts and do it yourself projects. While there are many ladies gifted in this area, many of us are not and looking at all of this and friends' status updates and pictures, mommy guilt can set in and cause us doubt that we are good mothers. The truth is that even if we are not gifted in this area it does not make us terrible wives and mothers. I would like to work w/ mothers and assist them in discovering their God given talents and abilities and then assisting them in making their homes what the Lord intended them to be and not what we think that society thinks our homes should be.

I post all of this knowing that 1) I have only been married for 8 years, 2) My oldest child is only 4 years old and 3) I am not the most dynamic speaker out there. Chonda Pierce and Beth Moore, I will never be.  Saying all of that I would love to participate in Women's Ministry Conferences, Women's Retreats, speak at Mother's groups and other groups as the Lord leads.

When the Lord lead me to SWBTS in the fall of 2003, my desire was to use counseling in a ministry setting and for the past six and a half years, I have been in a secular setting. Yes, I have learned a great deal about myself, was able to work on counseling skills, met many wonderful people and made some wonderful friends, but my heart has yearned for more. I would love to actually use Scripture and prayer into sessions and groups and let people meet The Counselor, who will do more for them than myself or any other person ever could.

As I type all of this I admit that I am scared to death of what this could be. I am scared of failing. Many of you who know me, know that I like safety, security and predictability. I like knowing that on set days of the month that X amount will be deposited into my checking account and knowing that our insurance is covered by the company and not coming 100% out of our pockets. Being married to one who is self-employed, I know that it can be feast or famine. At the same time I also acknowledge that the Lord has always provided and we have never gone w/out anything that we have needed. The thought of two of us being self-employed honestly scares me and this would be a huge leap of faith for me.

I also admit that I have NO clue as to how to even get started down this path. This is a dream that has really only been shared w/ a few people, so it's not something that people know about. I am praying that the Lord will use people reading this post and place people in my path to assist me in getting started on this journey.

Now that I have laid it all out there for others, I can only pray that the Lord would bless this dream and I pray that I will have the faith of a mustard seed to take this huge leap of faith. I also pray that if there are others of you have a dream that the Lord has placed in your heart, that you too will take the first step in verbalizing the dream and then take your leap of faith.